Momopause Moments

Hello! Take some time for yourself and read other Mom’s momopause moments. It will become more clear you are not alone.

Trying to trick my toddler into eating more vegetables by adding rainbow sprinkles. Toddler eats rainbow sprinkles, leaving vegetables untouched. Mom - 0 Toddler - 1

Why is it everytime my husband and I spring for a babysitter and go out to dinner (even at a nice restaurant) we end up next to a table with an unruly kid!? Why is the universe punishing me for trying to have some adult time?

“Don’t come crying to me” seems to be my catch phrase everytime I warn my son not to do something seemingly dangerous. Yet when he comes crying to me I still console him but not without a good old fashioned, “I told you so.”

Wishing for all the time back you spend with your kid in the bathroom, coaching them to take a poo.

Trying to skip words in your child’s story book so you can put them to bed sooner. Getting caught by child because they have the whole book memorized.

The only good thing about Christmas for parents is getting to use Santa as leverage.

Letting your child do something they are not supposed to so you can have 5 more minutes to finish your phone conversation.

I’m a much kinder and more patient Mom since I stopped wearing underwire bras.

Blaming your husband for eating your child’s Halloween candy because he’s not there to defend himself.

When your toddler coughs too hard and throws up all over you during your other child’s school play and you have to rely on tiny purse size tissues and the kindness of disgusted strangers to make it out the back door, mostly unnoticed. You decide to throw away your shoes because they are squishing as you walk and when you get your puking toddler partially cleaned up but shirtless you toss your barf filled purse over your shoulder and meet your other child to congratulate her for a job well done. You do this shoeless, with a half naked toddler, smelling like puke. Yet you smile and lie saying you saw every bit of her performance and make a mental note that next year you will get a babysitter.

Mom Friend: I just bought nutcrumbs online.
Me: Did you need some retail therapy?
Mom Friend: This is what almost 40 retail therapy looks like.
Me: I don’t even know what you bought.
Mom Friend: You know, instead of breadcrumbs, nutcrumbs. They sell it online.
Me: You can come over to my house and get all the nutcrumbs out of my couch. This is dismal retail therapy at best. I’m embarrassed by your purchase. Or maybe just by the name of your purchase. No definitely by the people taking advantage of you by selling you something you already have.
Mom Friend: Shut up, it’s healthy.
Me: Oh Yeah? You been pounding down the breadcrumbs lately? Making those homemade meatballs eveynight?
Mom Friend: I will now. And you can’t have any.
Me: Ok, enjoy those stuffed mushrooms you have to prepare now.
Mom Friend: I will. I’m going to enjoy them so much more knowing they are full of nutcrumbs.

My youngest said I yell at them all the time. OK, I may yell at times but why can't they listen and follow instructions the first 12 times I patiently give them directions. I don't want to be a mean Mommy but I don't have infinite patience.